What’s your reaction when you hear the word Tantra? Often when I tell people I’m a Tantra teacher I get immediately judged and feel people physically pulling away from me. I used to think that was because the whole “sex thing” taints the picture. But actually it’s because everyone knows someone who’ve suffered in the name of Tantra.
I suffered for a long time, without actually realising what was going on. I thought I was a sexually empowered woman, but was actually being deeply manipulated on many levels- emotional, energetic, mental and spiritual. It took a long time and a lot of strength to wake up and heal.
I wrote this list from a café in Sydney airport, having come straight from a shamanic exorcism (yes, exorcism. It’s way more common than you’d expect!!!). Writing this article is part of my own healing journey, telling my story in the hope that it helps others.
Writing this made me so aware of all the layers of shame residing deep within. Concern about how people will perceive me (despite the fact that I regularly talk openly about orgasms, self-pleasure and even anal sex). Shame about being so vulnerable in all this. Shame that I actually allowed this stuff to happen to me.
Fuck it. I’m reclaiming my power.
What happens in some communities is that when you’ve been there for some time, many of these issues become “normalised”. If you read this list and find something that doesn’t sound like abuse to you, then I lovingly suggest this should be a red flag. In my opinion, all of these points belong in the shadow side of Tantra and can be seen as abuse.
Abuse has many layers and levels of course- misuse of power, psychological mind games and emotional manipulation to name just a few. Some forms of abuse can be extremely subtle, and some can be really obvious.
This list is certainly not comprehensive. This really is just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve left a lot out. It just sounded way too crazy when I actually typed it out. Which kind of shows how far from “normal” things can get in some communities.
The Shadow- what is Tantric abuse?
Tantric abuse is when a male authority figure continually asks a woman why she doesn’t have 3 boyfriends and offers to “help” (because clearly she has problems and they need fixing).
Tantric abuse is when a man penetrates a woman (or offers to penetrate her) during a yoni massage. Even if he genuinely believes this is the best healing for her in that moment, this is never, ever acceptable.
Tantric abuse is when a senior authority figure encourages polyamory but actively discourages the use of condoms.
Tantric abuse is when vulnerable women with emotional and mental health issues go to their guru for healing and his form of help is his “wand of light”.
Tantric abuse is when these same women suffer breakdowns and crisis and are ridiculed in the community as being crazy.
Tantric abuse is when strong women become so slowly, subtly manipulated and disempowered that they encourage other women to sleep with their guru.
Tantric abuse is when a woman has sex with her guru and he asks her to say out loud that she is his and she belongs to him.
Tantric abuse is when a guru leaves energetic hooks and imprints in someone’s energetic centres during intercourse.
Tantric abuse is a guru continually feeding off someone’s energy, leaving them feeling sick, drained and anxious for no apparent reason.
Tantric abuse is when a spiritual leader continually engages in psychic attack on those who manage to leave him.
Tantric abuse is when rape allegations are continually dismissed or not taken seriously.
I’m so passionate about the Tantric path despite all of the above. It’s the fast track; it’s intense. I’ve had incredible growth, transformation and healing. I’ve had profound spiritual experiences and many sweet loving moments with amazing human beings. When Tantra is practiced correctly- with love, integrity and purity, it is a truly phenomenal experience. People heal themselves, they open their hearts, empowering themselves and their loved ones.
My advice to anyone looking to explore this path is to do some research and find the good teachers who are aligned with the light. Ask around- there are amazing teachers and practitioners all over the world. Experiencing a lot of the shadow side gave me the maturity to eventually tell the difference. The world needs this work and I’m more inspired than ever to offer pure teachings aligned with Truth and Divinity.
I dedicate this piece to all the beautiful men and women out there in the world spreading their light and raising the vibration of consciousness on the planet.